The good dude ethos is a simple concept on the surface, but the further one unpacks the concept, the more applicable it becomes to a world full of ebbs and flows, positivity and negativity, dark and light – good and evil – It is no secret that many have waxed philosophical on this very topic, as it is at the core of our metaphysical consciousness; a perennially ripe fruit, worthy of pondering at any time. In researching this topic, observing human interaction with an intentionally analytical approach for well over two decades, and immersing myself through standing on the shoulders of our literary forbears on the topic, I have processed the flux and slag to arrive at a simple terminology: “Be a Good Dude.”
Every culture and tribe have their own unique vernacular, terms of endearment that transcend the mere Webster’s definition and embody their own meaning to those who communicate using these words. My own upbringing within a tribe I was honored to have walked among used the phrase ‘Dude’ in a relatively ubiquitous manner. It became a running saying that even in quite serious moments, we were simply ‘dudes doing dude things,’ a lighthearted nod to understanding the nature of what we were doing. I began to take an even fonder liking of this word than I already had.
Modernity has embraced this concept of the ‘dude’, and the etymology of the word itself is an entirely separate case study; from big city ranchers, Jeff Lebowski abiding, all the way to the humble employees of the Good Burger reminding us we’re all, in fact, dudes… it can be surmised that this word, “Dude” is embraced by a whole slew of cultures and tribes. In the same regards, it would be spinning the tires to focus on what good is, though some people in the modern world could certainly use a refresher course on the subject.
What I want to focus on is why it is important to actually BE a good dude.
In my travels I have found myself on several different sides of a multifaceted die, rolling its way through interpersonal interactions, high-stakes bartering, all-or-nothing gambles, passionate debates, and flaring emotions; I’ve found this concept of ‘being a good dude’ to positively apply to each and every one of them. From dense North African and Levantine souks to backcountry Southwestern highways, separatist pubs, and even simply ‘the wrong side of the tracks’, it seems a smile and a nod (so-to-speak) will go a long way, even in the most uncertain of situations. The very basis behind this concept is rooted in our shared humanity – acknowledging one’s very existence is a step towards establishing a common bond. When, all-too-increasingly, one finds themselves in predicaments that, if not fostered, may escalate for a myriad of reasons (harbored resentment, preconceived notions of differences, and years of a steady undercurrent) this acknowledgement directly implies your intentions to an individual or group, thus heightening the shared sense of awareness, existence, and understanding.
Being a good dude means acknowledging your fellow man.
In the present day, we see individuals straying further and further away from the good dude ethos, even inversely acting by refuting others’ existence, belittling individual and family stories and histories (often fascinating ones, at that), and aggregating entire lineages of people on factors that transcend this notion of shared humanity. Forcibly altering, revising, and outright removing permanent aspects of history. Consolidating the entirety of history into absolutes leads down a perilous path, separating the world into silos, and pitting these tribes against one another. Echo chambers develop, and we are supported by our own unique social movements, theologies, and ideologies.. we become so intertwined by these mutually supporting groups and tribes that we learn to immediately shun the “other” groups, without giving a perspective that perhaps not every single person fits the mold that whatever literature, media, and dialogue may have you believe.
Being a good dude means listening.
Before he was interrupted was one of the most beautiful, tranquil, and perfectly timed moments I’ve ever experienced… Following the security guard shutting him down, I approached the man, Elias. He had been playing piano for two decades, studying in Greece, Italy, and the UK. He did not play professionally, but held a normal job, and only played for the empty terminals late at night. He moved to London to escape the Greece/EU immigration crisis, which unfortunately has also moved with him.
The very notion that inclusion benefits those who are underrepresented is not a bad one, but it can become quite dangerous when it is done with an implication that one voice is superior to another and the damning notion that because there are a large quantity of a certain demographic, all those who fit that demographic somehow think, decide, and act in a homogenized way, and their voices are somehow worth less. Listening to every party equally must be held to the utmost importance while navigating an increasingly polarized world.
If an individual or movement refuses to listen, their own words will inherently be devalued. This is a collective, conscious awareness that a society must actively work towards, lest they recklessly bury one voice while lifting others, even if doing so with a virtuous intent. While listening to your most vilified foe may be a challenge that seems hard to endure, it must be noted that not listening and alienating groups, cultures, and tribes has historically created divisive and sometimes irreconcilable wills, leading down a darker path, and will do so once more if dialogue is not nurtured.
Being a good dude means having integrity.
Integrity above all else, because once we compromise that integrity it is next to impossible to regain it. By the time we reach early childhood, we all know what ‘right’ looks like; it is not defacing, destroying, or taking something that is not yours. It is not saying someone’s opinion is invalid without giving them a chance to elaborate why they view it, or simply on the basis of who they are. It is not kicking someone while they’re down (figuratively or literally). Integrity is right, and just; there are disputes that may result in emotional anguish from all sides involved, but escalating these emotions typically only results in more anguish. In our increasingly connected, fast-paced world, every action must be weighed in consideration with not only the immediate consequences but the third and fourth-order effects that reverberate outwards, sometimes uncontrollably. This is only becoming exponentially more applicable.
Being a good dude means remembering to have fun.
In a fleeting life, moments of joy must be found in even the most unexpected places; this is the raison d’etre of the good dude ethos. Many issues in life can simply be enjoyed (or at least not stressed-over) by separating them into things within ones own control; Your own decisions and actions dictate your personal enjoyment of life, and will directly influence your own trajectory and that of those around you. Taking this to the next step is the realization that this may be your last moment, memento mori, as the stoics say; you could leave this life right now, so why not enjoy it? Why not choose to make every decision one that steers your life, and the lives of others in a more positive direction? Why not relish in this decision, and embrace the beautiful challenge of existence with a positive mental attitude? At least you’ll be enjoying the ride.
An addendum.
When I acquired my truck and launched my website in 2016, I did it as a challenge to myself, a permanent collection of long-form thoughts, my exploratory film docuseries, and a corner of the internet to call my own. I wanted something that succinctly embodied my goal – a challenge to see the world, push myself to my mental and physical limits, and to be a good dude – so I decided on the phrase, and even custom-printed a sticker to slap on my truck that said “Be a good dude.” I’ve had countless folks stop me in parking lots or at stop lights complementing the sticker, sharing with me that it made their day, they really loved the outlook, or they really liked the saying. I even had one or two at places like the gym where people followed the link and explored some of my YouTube video content. If you’re here today because you saw the sticker, or even one of my videos, thank you, I’m glad you found me, and I sincerely hope you’ve been a good dude ever since you saw it. For what it’s worth, I also decided to put it on the back of my truck to de-escalate maniacs when I was living in the greater Los Angeles area and dealt with the maelstrom of LA traffic… if even one person cooled down, breathed, or had a better day after seeing it, it was worth it.
The concept of being a good dude is not a new one, and is synonymous with doing the right thing; from the codified scripts of Hammurabi, the Samaritan parable, the Washingtonian Cherry Tree myth, to simply doing your good turn daily. The meaning, scope and scale of this very concept can encompass just about any situation you find yourself in. All it boils down to is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching. So take the ethos along with you in your mental toolkit, acknowledge your fellow man, listen to them, have integrity, and have fun… and most of all, simply…